ADHD is my Superpower AND my Kryptonite.

I keep hearing the term superpower being used to describe ADHD, and while I agree with this to a point, it would be remiss to acknowledge just how deeply disruptive and destructive it has been over the years, especially considering I didn’t know what it was for the first 35 years of my life.

Having been in regular therapy now for a couple of years, and have invested heavily in personal development work, I have done an extensive deep dive on my ADHD - learning about it and the different ways it shows up in my life. About how it impacts me and those around me. And how I can harness it and utilise it to my advantage. And most of all, learning to be kinder to myself when I do recognise it. I’ve lost that internal block that constantly holds me back and tells me I'm not worth it. 

I am now able to be loads more productive - it’s as if someone has turned the volume down on my inner critic and is letting me ‘do the thing’ even if it’s not perfect. I didn't realise how much my perfectionism had been tied to my ADHD. How much I had been sabotaging myself without even realising. I was letting my fear dictate what I did in life, which is ridiculous considering how much I need risk and newness in my life (thanks to a dopamine shortage in my brain!) 

It wasn’t until a couple weeks ago when I was on a FREE two-week business course Bizezi Training hosted at Te Taiwhenua o Heretaunga - and I was listening to the CEO Waylyn Tahuri-Whaipakanga talk. Listening to her story of her upbringing and the hardships she faced along the way. She talked about how she always found herself procrastinating in her business and couldn’t put her finger on why, until it clicked that the procrastination was related to past trauma. It was here that the penny well and truly dropped for me. I realised how much I had been holding back as well. How much had been tied to me thinking I was just broken, or too much, or not enough. How my ADHD had become my unknown kryptonite. 

All those years I had spent fumbling my way through life just not understanding why I am the way I am, and searching for answers to work out what I could do with it. Since finding out about my ADHD, it was as if someone switched a light on in an old dusty attic. Suddenly I was able to find those missing pieces I had been searching for. I had an explanation of how some days I can pump out 40 hours of work in 3-4 hours, and why other days doing the simplest of tasks is like pulling teeth. Or why I could totally become fixated and hyperfocus on one topic for weeks then one day it just ceases to exist in my brain. 

I have been learning to lean into my creativity, learning to embrace the fact that yes, my brain didn’t fully develop in some pretty important areas, but it also lets me have a really unique view of the world. I can see the big picture and patterns where others can’t. I can produce ridiculously high quality work in a matter of hours where most people might take weeks or months. I feel things deeper and more intensely than most neurotypicals which makes me a great leader as I have a sixth sense about people. I have been learning to control my emotions when the big terrifying overwhelm creeps in making way for the dreaded shutdown. I can now stop, name and feel the emotions and let them do their thing, and then safely remove or divert my attention to something else. Old me would have gone balls first down that slippery slope into self hatred and punishment. 

Has it been hard? Absolutely. Has it been worth it? You betcha. I feel like I am no longer available for being what society wants me to be, and I don’t want to go back into the box that wasn’t made for people like me. I’m letting the mask slide and I really don’t want to put it back on - so I’m not going to. Clark Kent used to be unrecognisable without his glasses - so maybe I can be the same and keep that kryptonite at bay.

• ADHD
• Construction
• Kryptonite
• Struggle
• Superpower