So, there it is. I’ve decided it’s not an industry I can be in or around anymore. I don’t have the energy to deal with the egos, the anger, and the ignorance.
I’ve spent the better part of 5 years working on myself through a variety of means - including an intensive series of personal development and leadership courses, upskilling through online academies, 2 years of regular therapy, one ADHD assessment & diagnosis, and most recently one psychological assessment for PTSD from a past trauma that happened in a work environment.
And you know what? I’m tired. I’m so, so tired. The more I learn about my ADHD brain and how it works (and the very real possibility that I might also be slightly Autistic - more on that later), the more I am realising that I was not made for this industry. This is not a kind industry. I’ve always known it was brutal and have always relished how chaotic and rough around the edges it is - but I can’t do it anymore. I’m tired of trying to force myself to fit.
One thing I’ve really noticed with getting my ADHD diagnosis earlier this year - is how much I am learning to ‘unmask’. I am learning to lean into my little quirks and to celebrate my differences. I am learning what type of environment helps me, and what doesn’t. I am embracing the harder parts of me, the past traumas, and forgiving the years and years of not knowing. I have an incredibly supportive partner who is learning with me, and it’s because of that love and care that I feel able to do all of this. This is also new to me having been single for over 10 years and never having a long-term relationship. When I tell people it’s been a big couple of years, they’re always totally blown away when I start delving into it.
What is next you ask? I’ve literally no idea. I have applied for a bunch of jobs locally, some that sound a little up my alley - but for the most part I genuinely do not know what it is I want or need to do. I wish there was a magic wand of sorts that would just zap my woes away, that I would one day wake up full of clarity and drive. But alas, I feel like the road in the near future is going to be bumpy as sh*t.
So what else can I do but buckle up and hope like f*ck I make it out the other end??
